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The Language of Love

The Language of Love

Did you know there are 5 Languages of love?

The 5 languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

We are all different and way we communicate love is ‘heard’ in different ways. Most people speak all 5 languages of love, but will have one dominant language. There are dialects in each language too!

Words of affirmation:
With affirmation love language words are all important. It is all about appreciation: Remembering to give a compliment on lovely dress or smart suit, appreciation for errands completed, putting out the rubbish without being asked. Compliments are the currency of the language of affirmation. Words of encouragement are a dialect of this language and said with empathy can have a big impact on those who come alive with the language of affirmation. Another dialect is kind words and genuinely spoken can melt a person’s heart and bring out the best in him/her. Affirmation is about making requests not demands.

Quality time:
The clue to this language is in the title! It is about spending time together. That is not sitting next to each other on the sofa while one reads a book and one watches TV! It is about sharing, doing things together, undivided attention. A dialect of quality time is shared activities. Quality conversation is another. Here are some hints: make eye contact while talking, just listen, do not do something else while listening. For someone with quality time as their primary love language the quality of language is important.

Receiving gifts:
Gifts are visual symbols of love. Someone whose love language is receiving gifts will treasure a note found in his/her sandwich box. Birthday cards and celebrations dates remembered are important. Parents remember the first homemade gift from their child. A teacher treasures a gift from a pupil. A dialect of this gift is the gift of ‘self’ that means being ‘there’ at important life events and the less important ones too.

Acts of service:
This means doing things your spouse/friend/partner would like you to do: Expressing love through doing things. In the home this can mean many things like watering the garden, putting out the rubbish, baking a cake, making the bed…the list is endless. Love is a choice and it is important how you express love through the love language. In this love language some stereo types might have to be overcome where jobs around the house are concerned! The attitude of the service is important too, it is not about being a doormat.

Physical touch:
This is not a new idea, it is well known that physical touch is a way of communicating love. Physical touch can communicate love or hate. For the person who has physical touch love language the message through touch is far louder than words. In marriage/partnership touch takes many forms it is up to you to learn your partner’s dialect! The simple handshake is in Western European society a way of ‘communicating openness and social closeness to another individual’.

It your partner or friend does not have the same primary love language as you it can be as difficult as learning a new language to communicate really effectively.

Gary Chapman The Five Languages of Love (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ )

Quote: ‘The object of love is not getting something you want, but doing something for the wellbeing of the one you love.’

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